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…Our Presence and Our Ability to Feel Pleasure

Our ability to be present with our emotions is one of the sexiest things we can do. And if we’re able to express what it is without subtly (or sometimes overtly) blaming our partner for what we’re feeling? Whoa, baby! That is fucking hot.
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So, how to we get from a paradigm that feeds into the idea that others are responsible for our happiness to a paradigm where each person takes 100% ownership of any given interaction?
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One place to start is by getting inside our own bodies and our own experience. Yoga and meditation are great ways of doing this, and yet just one path of many. The breath is a tool for expanding awareness. Although “breathing into your pelvis” (or little toe, or left asscheek) might not make sense on a anatomical level, over time you are able to experience the sensation of expansion into parts of the body where you place awareness and intention. Practice this enough, and your entire body becomes a domain of awareness, sensation, and even pleasure (hint: full-body orgasms can happen this way!).
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Once we’re aware of what we’re experiencing inside our body (thoughts,  emotions, sensations), we communicate that to ourselves through the simple act of being aware. What naturally follows is the ability to communicate that to our partner. Prior to this awareness, a statement like, “You’re never here and I feel like you don’t love me!” then becomes, “I would like to see you more. When I think that you don’t love me, I feel sad and afraid.” This is just one example, but you can see how the accusatory tone and judgement present in the first statement has been transformed into a statement of self-responsibility. This kind of communication is an ever-evolving art, and it can take time to get good at it. It’s not necessary to be “perfect!”
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When we open ourselves to feeling everything that is present in our bodies, whether comfortable or uncomfortable, we expand our ability to feel pleasure more and more. Imagine how delighted your partner feels to hear, “When you look into my eyes like that, my heart feels like it’s bursting with ecstasy!” And when we cease to shame the “bad” feelings, we give more room for the “good” ones. Everything can be ecstasy when we remove judgement and give permission to the full-bodied experience and expression of whatever is moving through the body, whether it be grief or joy.
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I invite you this week to play with getting to the root of whatever your experiencing in a given moment. What do you notice? Does anything shift? I would be so excited to hear how you work with yourself in this way. Let me know by emailing kim@wildorgasmicwisdom.com or by commenting below.
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